Starting a Mosaic with Love

The last month has been a huge transition for me.

I have been breaking down every single thing that I have ever *thought* I have known about love and completely rebuilding it.  And I do mean everything.  I thought that I was alone on this journey, but I'm finding out that many people have understood the exact same kind of love that I have know for as long as I can remember:

Love with conditions.

Conditional love.

- Love that says, "If you don't do this for me today, than I will withhold love from you."
- Love that says, "If you don't look a certain way, than I will withhold love from you."
- And love that says, "You don't hit my mark and therefore I cannot love you unconditionally."
- Conditional love is a task orientated love rather than a relationship love.  In other words, conditional love is a love that is always focused on what you can accomplish to be loved, rather than who you can just *be* to be loved.

You know what that has done for my knowledge of what God's love is?
You guessed it...

I have come to the realization that I have always thought that God's love was conditional towards me.

I'm sure that all of us have experienced what I'm talking about in some way or another.

I woke up every day believing that if I didn't meet the mark of loving enough people in a day, I wouldn't be loved.  If I didn't encourage a certain number of people, I in turn wouldn't be encouraged.  If I wasn't being a part of my churches worship team I was wasting my talent and basically spitting in His face.  You know what song, One Thing Remains (Your Love Never Fails)?  The chorus repeats these words three times: "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me."  I was shocked when I came to the realization last month that I didn't believe those words.  I really thought that God's love would check out on me.

What I have found on this journey though, is that I have never really understood love.  I had all but given up on love and the breakthrough I needed when I got these words in an email from a friend:

"Don't give up on love.  

Until you experience it, know it, 

believe in the power of it, 

you can never give it."

Ummm...whoa.  

That is something that I have said to myself every single day since receiving that email.  Every single day I have prayed that I would be able to experience just that, that I could believe in the power of what love is and how it can change my life.

So what is love?

How can it actually change our lives?

How can we believe in the power of it?

Last week I opened up my Bible to a very familiar passage in 1 Corinthians and read the words written there in chapter 13, verses 4-8:

"Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  Love never fails." (NLT)

I wanted to understand everything that was in this verse, so I took every adjective and I defined all of them, both good and bad.  And what I found was awe inspiring.  This is "love never fails" defined: 

Love will not ever, at no time, not at all, absolutely not, to no extent or degree fall short of success or achievement in something expected, attempted, desired, or approved. 

{love never fails}

That is an amazing definition and a mind blowing explanation of what love truly is.  Something that I have never understood before.  Perhaps Brian Johnson, Jeremy Riddle, and Christa Black-Gifford didn't have it so wrong when they created a simple chorus about love never failing -- for how can God's love fail if it is truly this?

After reading this definition, I looked up the definition of love as a verb and as a noun.  I ALWAYS thought that love should be a verb.  Here's love as a verb: 1) to hold dear; 2) to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness; 3) to feel affection or experience desire.

All of those things are amazing.  But honestly?  I don't plan on treating everyone in that way.

Here's love as a noun: 1) strong affection for another rising out of kinship or personalities; 2) affection based on admiration, or common interests; 3) unselfish loyal and benevolent love for the good of another as in God's love for human kind, brotherly concern for others; 4) a persons adoration for God.

Love as a noun sounds a lot like {love never fails} and 1 Corinthians 13.

After defining everything love is (and everything love is not) I felt an opening in my spirit and in my soul.  I began (and continue) to understand and experience a whole new depth of God's love that I have never felt before.  I began (and continue) to understand and experience what the truth really was: love is the greatest thing we can set our minds and hearts upon.

But what about what love isn't?

It isn't jealous or rude or demanding.

Did you know that the very definition of the word [demanding] is conditional love?!

You know what I learned about the definition of demanding?

I HAVE BEEN HOLDING LOVE FROM MYSELF.

I have told myself that I can only be loved if I'm beautiful.  I can only be loved if I am perfect.  I can only be loved if I am always doing something.  I can only be loved if I am skinnier, funnier, cuter, and the list goes on.  I have been holding myself to certain standards!  Standards that I couldn't meet if I even tried.  I know...because I tried.  haha!  Time for a wake-up call!  HEY SELF!  

{love is patient and kind}

This journey of learning love has been an amazing time for me.  I've learned more about myself and I have begun to learn that I am enough.  If you have conditional love towards yourself, I would encourage you to take 1 Corinthians 13 and define the words that are written there.  

• Ask the Lord what He thinks of those words towards you.  
• Ask the Lord to show you what those words mean for yourself.  Even if you believe that you know what love is, I would encourage you do delve into this study.
• Ask yourself if you believe in love.
• Ask yourself if you have and are willing to experience the power of what love is.
• And then let it happen.  Let yourself be loved.  Let every part of you be loved...even those areas that might not be so pretty.  You'll be surprised at what happens when you do. :)

For you ladies out there, I have also been reading A Woman and Her God by Beth Moore and others that has really helped me to get in touch with the awesomeness of Father God.
For those of you who have struggled with conditional & task over relationship love, I have also been reading a book called Becoming Myself: Embracing God's Dream for You by Stasi Eldridge (co-author of Captivating) who grew up in that sort of an environment.  This book focuses on your true self and exactly who God has created you to be, stripping away everything you may have ever known about yourself and love.  It is an amazing read and I highly recommend it.